Parents often express worry regarding their child’s social, academic, and professional future. They tell me, “My child has no friends, they struggle in math, getting lost, tying their shoes, etc.” Of course, these are legitimate concerns regarding many children with NVLD, and there are steps that you can take to help your child develop everyday living, social, and academic skills.
The well-known NVLD pioneer, advocate, and education professional Judy Lewis stated in an interview that it is critical for parents to learn their child’s communication style. She articulated how parents and children can interact together through the parent-child interaction model in which both assume different aspects of the change process, such as when the process of encouraging a child to complete his homework is symbolized by a clock in which P for parent and C for child is represented on different hours, with the final goal being the child (c) moving to 12 along figurative increments of time, (Lewis, 2015). The cognitive remediation specialist, NVLD expert, and author of “Misnamed, Misdiagnosed, and Misunderstood,” Linda Karanzalis, BCE MS , makes an important point when she states that parents can help their kids automate their cognitive processing skills: working memory, auditory memory, processing speed, etc (Karanzalis, 2023). She correctly points out that your child’s self-esteem will be improved by developing these abilities, something that is not always addressed in traditional psychotherapy. As exemplified by the work of these two professionals, there are behavioral and cognitive interventions that parents can take to support children with NVLD.
Cognitive remediation is an essential part of your child’s well-being, but there are important linkages between mental health concerns and NVLD, which can sometimes be ameliorated through effective therapy. The mental health impact of living with NVLD should not be underestimated, and as one of the original and distinguished neuropsychologists on NVLD, Dr Byron P, Rourke, wrote, “Withdrawal, anxiety, and de depression have also been well documented in both the NVLD syndrome and in those thought to be at particular risk of suicide. The confluence of events for-person-exhibiting the NVLD Syndrome that is, repeated failures in coping, combined with loss of esteem, feelings of inferiority, emotional confusion and distress, and any number of other socioemotional/adaptational strains within the personality-constitutes an “at-risk” state for suicide” (Dr. Rourke, 1989, p. 149). Therefore, finding a therapist who is not only well-versed in NVLD, but also competent in providing psychotherapy that addresses comorbid mental health conditions is a critical component of your child’s well-being.
What if your child is not ready to accept an NVLD diagnosis or feels stigmatized or targeted by interventions that they feel make them “different?” Children, and especially teenagers, are often sensitive to social rejection, and may be reluctant to engage in interventions that they do not see their friends experiencing at home. This calls for a particular parenting skill, which is discussing neurodiversity as natural diversity and variation in the human brain with your child (Miller, n.d.). It is important to introduce neurodiversity in a self-aware fashion that does not single your child out as different but rather discusses the diversity among all brains.
I was looking for some resources for parents and kids to discuss neurodiversity. For younger children, I was excited to find a book by Sara Furlong, Every Brain Is Beautiful, for ages 3 to 6. Her writing, which characterizes neurological differences through different animals that have varying needs for personal space, communication, flexibility, and emotional regulation styles, is planting the seed for an important approach for a lifelong understanding of neurodiversity as a natural variation in all of us (Stories, 2024). This is not to minimize your child’s strengths and weaknesses, which may deviate from statistically common presentations on neuropsychological reports, but to introduce the idea that everyone is somewhat different from each other, helping to de-stigmatize living with NVLD.
Before discussing neurodiversity with your child, processing your feelings is important. I was struck by a blog piece from Dr. Emily W. King that stated, “I believe that we, the adults, are the ones with the baggage about “different” meaning something negative. As I have watched the culture of our kids evolve over the last twenty years, I’ve noticed that they are much more open to difference than we are. For some reason, many adults are still afraid of differences. Our kids are schooling us to embrace inclusivity if we would just listen” (Dr. W. King, 2023). Many kids and adolescents do feel comfortable with being different, whether that takes the form of neurology, gender, or sexual orientation. In fact, one study found that over half of the one thousand Generation Z participants identified as “definitely” or “somewhat” neurodiverse (ZenBusiness , 2023). However, as NVLD has received less attention than autism and ADHD, it is important for parents to validate that NVLD is also a natural part of neurodiversity, and that many of their peers are also neurodiverse in a variety of ways.
NVLD comes with distinct challenges. Your kids can struggle to meet every day academic, social, and living challenges. There are professionals who provide cognitive remediation and mental health support. However, as a parent, how you speak about neurodiversity will have an impact on your child’s understanding of him or herself, not necessarily as disabled our outside of the norm, but uniquely wired along with his or her peers. This approach helps your child to see him or herself as part of a larger spectrum of neurodiversity, which is something that many Autistic, ADHD, and AuDHD people in Generation Z have embraced. When I say that parenting skills are not what you may think, it is because they do not only include help with cognitive learning, mental health support, or daily living skills, but also a framing of how to view neurodiversity.
Bibliography
Dr. Rourke, P. B. (1989). Nonverbal Learning Disabilities: The Syndrome and the Model. New York : The Guilford Press.
Dr. W. King, E. (2023, July 23). How to Talk to Kids About Their Neurodivergent Brain. Retrieved from Learn with Dr. Emily: https://learnwithdremily.substack.com/p/how-to-talk-to-kids-about-their-neurodivergent
Karanzalis, D. L. (2023, Apr 30). How to Parent Your Child/Teen with Nonverbal Learning Disorder with Linda Karanzalis. (L. Aber, Interviewer)
Lewis, J. (2015, August 27). What Parents Need to Understand about Child About NVLD . (T. F. Awareness, Interviewer)
Miller, C. (n.d.). What is Neurodivesity? And how can parents support kids who are neurodivergent. Retrieved from The Child Mind Institute : https://childmind.org
Stories, S. R. (2024). Every Brain is Beautiful-Award Winning Picture Book . Retrieved from Sara Reads Stories.
ZenBusiness. (2023, June 14). New ZenBusiness Research Finds Class of 2023 Sees Neurodiversity as an Asset in Leadership & is Primed to be the Most Entrepreneurial. Retrieved from BusinessWire: https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20230614082058/en/New-ZenBusiness-Research-Finds-Class-of-2023-Sees-Neurodiversity-as-an-Asset-in-Leadership-is-Primed-to-be-the-Most-Entrepreneurial
Benjamin Meyer, LCSW
I am a bilingual psychotherapist and executive functioning coach who specializes in working with young adults with NVLD, and I was inspired by my personal experience to help those I work with to transition to the professional and social demands of adult life. I believe that each person is unique, and that we are more than just our labels and diagnosis. I am a Project Social Ambassador for The NVLD Project.